One of my Facebook friends is highly agitated… with good reason:
I’m SO sick of hearing “Aww so now are YOU the one with all the heart problems?” I mean HONESTLY…Do you people think that’s a nice thing to say? People don’t say that to cancer patients so why say it to us?
Personally, I don’t mind talking about my heart. (Hey, I write about it every day!) But I do have a few pet peeves. There are times when I just want to be me. This is an invisible disability, after all, and occasionally I want to remain invisible. Just one of the group, nothing unusual about me. When I hang out with my friends here at home, I’m not the Funky Heart and the words Congenital Heart Defect rarely cross my lips.
Another major irritant is being introduced not as a person, but as a health issue. Don’t you dare. If you introduce someone as “having a heart problem”, you’ve marked them. You have defined them by their medical status, and placed them at a disadvantage. Certain segments of the population will see them as “less than”. And if the other person is a young lady that I might have an interest in… well, you just threw that opportunity out the window. I want her to get the chance to know me. There’s a lot more to me than just my heart. If things go well, I will be the one who decides when it is time to have The Big Discussion, not you.
And the younger you are, the worse it can be. It’s a delicate balance – Mom, I know that you are grateful that your child survived their heart defect and any related surgeries, but your 7-year-old really isn’t in a position to ask you to hush and just let him be a kid. This would be a very good time to sit down and have a good talk with your child, and learn what they think. Perhaps talking about their problems while he/she’s present makes them uncomfortable.
The worst thing I have ever seen is a mom who insisted that her child pull up his shirt and show off his scar. You could see that the child felt like a Show and Tell object…. and mom was oblivious to the entire thing.