Scream

Funky Heart! readers know I am an optimist; hopefully you also think of me as honest. And while I try to live life to the fullest despite having a Congenital Heart Defect (“I view my CHD as a challenge, not a curse,” a friend often says) sometimes it just gets to you.

This week has been one of those times.

My hand seems to be no better. It could be just a tiny bit better; but I want to improve by leaps and bounds. It seems that I am moving forward by millimeters, if that much. I’ve had a couple of gout flare-ups – easily controlled with the medication, but until the meds kick in I hurt. Both of my ankles and my right wrist and hand.

Another complaint, my hernia is acting up. Not the one that flares up every now and again, I know what to do to get that one under control. When I feel the first twinge of pain, I know to stop as soon as possible and lie down. I know how to maneuver it back into place, and I know where to put pressure to keep it down. If it were to hit me right now, I could likely have it under control in half an hour, perhaps a little more. This is the hernia on the other side, which rarely (if ever) bothers me.

Adding to my misery, this morning it was pretty cool here. The low was in the 40’s, which wouldn’t bother most people. But I’ve always been intolerant of the cold, and I felt like I was freezing. Observe me in church – why do I sit in one particular spot every Sunday morning? That floor to ceiling window that allows sunlight to fall on my pew has a lot to do with it! (I swear, I think Fall and Winter used to be warmer. In the early 1970’s the church would host a yearly Halloween Carnival on October 31; I used to be outside for practically the entire festival. Nowadays by mid-October I am freezing.Weren’t we supposed to be going through Global Warming?)

It’s nothing big; no Earth shattering health problems are going on. But a lot of little things have happened to get me down and throw me into my own little pity party. And I hate pity parties.

But days like today make me want to SCREAM!

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2 Responses to “Scream”

  1. Carolyn Compton Says:

    Yeah, everything should be just right for comfort to take place. The metaphorical plumping of the pillow, the favorite shirt, the comfortable jeans….it takes it’s toll psychologically as well, when the physical just can’t get comfortable. It must be bloody frustrating as all get out to not use your hand, especially when you write so much. I have no pity, it’s compassion. feel better soon.

  2. Miship Says:

    It’s been like that for me for the last 6 years. It gets annoying, old and then incredibly overwhelming and frustrating. It never ends. I understand. Don’t let these things put you on the sidelines of life. We need you out here!

    If you feel like screaming, then SCREAM!!! Have a good old fashioned tantrum. Throw (soft) things, hit (soft) things, rage against the crap you have to deal with. You have to find ways to cope, because you still have obligations, things to do, and a life to live. Express your feelings however you need to, learn to focus on what’s important, and keep moving. Because life doesn’t stop when things happen. It doesn’t even slow down. They don’t call ’em growing pains for nothing.

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